The Reason
by foo armando
Summary: Multi-chapter. Lizzington XD. doesnt own anything. enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

_**Hello again :D *wave* finally got the courage to post this multi-chapter fic. Just maybe 4 or 5 chapter or less. haha ~ a warm thanks to my two beta 'inmate23' and Alysha..their awesome. This fic based on a song, Hoobstank- The Reason, OMg! you all need to hear that song. This is fully Lizzington so if you are not on the same ship as i am, surely warning to walk away.. But happily if you can change your mind come and aboard :D**_

**_Review are welcome. enjoy. _*runsandhide***

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_Im sorry that I hurt you,_

_It's something I must live with everyday,_  
_and all the pain I put you through,_  
_I wish that I could take it all away,_  
_and be the one who catches all your tears,_  
_that's why I need you to hear_

"No!" Was all Red said.

The next blacklister was a sure suicide mission. He would not let her be a hero and a reckless one, as she tried to be most of the time. Anslo Garrick, Luther Braxton and The Deer Hunter were examples of how easy she could get hurt and he could not bare to see her hurt again this time.

Especially now that their relationship has gone on another downward spiral, in this constant roller coaster ride that was their partnership. He cared too much to let even a single needle prick to her soft and delicate skin.

"I'm an FBI agent for God's sake! I'm not your puppet or your Barbie doll, so that you can order me around!" Liz glared at Red so fiercely that he almost flinched under her gaze and he clenched his jaw shut, in fear he would say something he might regret. He was well aware of Lizzie's stubborness, which could be as solid as concrete sometimes but he would have to be rough with her this time.

His possiveness, born of out his constant concern towards her, was eating him up from the inside. He wished he could plead with her. 'Please, Lizzie. Please, just listen to me, just for once. I cannot bare to lose you' He wished he could utter those words but alas he could not.

He turned his face to look at AD Cooper. He and Lizzie surely make a scene as whole War room was in a state of silence and only the hum of the air-conditioning could be heard.

"Consider this my final word. Harold, I won't proceed, if Agent Keen takes part in this mission." The silence broke as Red turned on his heels and left the room and the Post office.

Aram stepped into the War room with his laptop in his hands, completely unaware of what happened a minute ago. As he looked up, he saw all the stern face of his colleagues and friends.

"Okay, What did I miss?" He asked, his face frowned in confusion but Samar just glared at him and pulled him by his elbow, to follow her outside without a word.

After a few minutes of deathly silence, Liz went into her office to calm her anger. If thoughts could kill, anyone would be in danger right now. And the Concierge of crime would certainly be the first target. His possesivness of her made her blood pressure skyrocket. She wanted to slap him across the face. She still couldn't understand why he pretended to care so much? She had drawn a line between them but he still tried to cross it. She had told him to stop. She uttered all of the harsh words that she knew would cut through him like blade. It made her sick that she actually thought he would always be there for her, because he truly cared.

She thought they were connected as two broken souls, desperate to live in this harsh world. Thanks to Luther Braxton, her perception had changed yet again and as the curtain finally opened, it showed her that all of it was a lie. Her entire life was a lie. A sick game that has been played for years. Guess who was the mastermind behind it? Raymond "Son of a bitch" Reddington.

She was exhausted from all of this. She let her head fall down and let out a long sigh. 'Calm down, Lizzie. Just breathe.'

She nearly dozed off but the sound of the door opening woke her up. She grunted in frustration. She didn't have any energy left to lift her head.

"Liz, Cooper wants to see you in his office." Ressler said while leaning against the door. He felt sorry for his partner. Her argument with Reddington was not big news to him. But the tension that he could feel in the air between them was unbearable.

"Liz, you need to talk to him, I know that this is hard for you to take and despite my feelings for the man, I think he just wants you to be safe." Liz felt a light pressure on her shoulder and heard the door been closed. She lifted her head up and rubbed her face with her hand. Ressler's words occupied her mind and it was weird to even think that he would say those things to her.

He was on this task force far longer than her. He had been trying to catch Reddington for 5 years, while the man was in the wind. They may have established some kind of a weird respect and partnership between them. She slowly dragged herself away from her office and went to Cooper's office. She softly knocked on the door.

She heard a softly spoken, "Come in," before she turned the knob and walked in

* * *

After he left the Post office, Red went to a café to meet his businees partner. Dembe took a seat not too far from his friend, always on the lookout for any threats. He saw the concern on Red's face.

He wanted to talk to his friend but he knew it would be too bold and unwise at that precise moment, as it might anger him. When Red landed in a vulnerable position, Elizabeth Keen seemed the only one who could help him. She had a huge role in his friend's life. She could break him, even with a harsh word.

"Red? Are you even listening to me?" Red was starled a bit from his long thoughts. His mind was elsewhere. He looked up at John, he seemed confused.

"What? Im sorry, John I – " Red tried to compose himself in front of his business partner. John was pissed. And Red knew it. But he couldn't help it. His mind couldn't focus on anything other than Lizzie's safety.

"You know what, Red? Just forget it." John stood up and left Red in confusion.

"Damn it!" Red cursed under his breath. The emotional stress from his situation with Lizzie was beginning to take a physical and financial toll on him. He didn't hear much of what John had said. He looked out the window towards the DC's busy street. He had lost his business because of a silly distraction. Because of a woman and not just any woman. A woman that is the center of his universe.

He took a final sip of his tea and went outside to their car, where Dembe was already waiting for him. They took off to his safe house, as he needed to try to construct up a back up plan for keeping his favourite FBI agent safe.

A black figure stood in the shadow smirking, while watching the Concierge of crime's car get out of sight. He put his hood on and walked away from the alley.

TBC~


	2. Chapter 2

Hello~ sorry for the late update... writers block is killing me...LOL so stay tune

Alysha ur awesome! muahh

Disclaimer : not own anything

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I'm not a perfect person,  
There's many things i wish i didn't do,  
But i continue learning,  
I never meant to do those things to you,  
and so i have to say before i go,  
that i just want to know...

Chapter 2

'Splash,' the water sounded when the FBI agent ran her trainers after being dismissed by Cooper. Liz tried to run to the beat of the music booming in her ear. She had to run. She don't know why, but it helped her to calm down. Her heart was hammering in her rib cage after a long running DC park

"Agent Keen, I think this time you need to stand down," the FBI agent's ear stings as she heard her boss taking up Red's advice this time. Her mouth hangsopen as she tries to utter an excuse but nothing could be wanted to defend herself.

"I don't know what is happening between you two, but I hope you can settle it. This task force is depending on you two. If it doesn't work out, we call this whole thing off. Cooper continues. He leans back and shrugs his shoulders.

"Sir. I hope you can understand but my relationship with Reddington is…"

"I will not see you until Monday. This is an order," her boss cuts her mid-sentence.

Lizzie stares at him and nods. "Yes sir." She doesn't have the energy to argue . Her anger boils up, and thanks to the wonderful concierge of crime, she got three days off that she doesn't need.

"I felt sorry for you agent Keen to cope in all this mess. I hope you can be patient and try to use those day off to come back in a perfect state on Monday," Copper advises before she leaves. She knows that her boss felt the tension in the air between her and Reddington and left her to fix it. She shook her head to clear her mind and goes to her office to grab her things.

She stopped running as she tries) to catch her breath under the shade of a tree. After she left the post office and went to her motel in a 'kettle about to blow up' condition,she sat down on the couch and leaned her head against the back of the couch. She sighed and tried to think of what she should do. It's still early for dinner. She wanted to soak in a hot water bath but as she saw her trainers behind the door she felt the urge to run so here she is.

She sat down and leaned against the tree. The breeze cools and calms her body. This is the first time she has felt at peace this entire month. Her eyes droop and she nearly dozes off for the second time that day. Suddenly a familiar scent of scotch, cigar and a hint of cologne that was probably named 'Raymond Reddington,'came knocking her . Just great.

She sighs and opensher eyes slowly. "Hello lizzie," a generous smile on his face.

"What do you want?" She stood up and grunts, looking away from him. God, why did he always have to show up. In the corner of her eyes she saw his usual three piece of suit but without the tie and suit jacket.

"I think we need to talk. Look,sweetheart, I'm sorry if," Red tilts his head and tries to search her face.

"No! I don't have anything to say to you. Just leave me alone," Liz felt her eyes water. She needed to get away from him before she broke down in front of him. Trying to pass him she feels his hand catching her.

"Lizzie just please listen to me. I care about you! I cannot bear to lose you. Please believe me." Red pleaded.

"Why? Why the hell would you cared about me?I asked you why, but you never tell me!" Her anger rises. She turns her body infront of him and releases her wrist from his grasp. Red's eyes were watery. He looked away and took a deep breath.

"It's dangerous for you to know right now. I promise you that I will tell you one day." He holds back the urge to cry. His heart drops when he see's Lizzie's hatred towards him . And it was all his fault. He wanted to lift her and grab her into his warm embrace. He wanted to hold her as he did when she cried about the music box. Hugging her to show her that he will be there for her. He wanted to let his lips linger on her forehead telling her she will always have him and she will be fine, but in her state right now, he needed to be patient.

"That's what you always say. And for your info,just please stop pretending to care about me! I'm sick of your charades!" Then and there Lizzie broke. She couldn't stand being betrayed by the one man that she thought she could count on. The man that she thought would always be there by her side. The person that she had complicated feelings for.

"I never pretend lizzie. I care very deeply for you. You are my second chance sweetheart. I…I…" Red tried to say the words but he couldn't.

"You what?Stop lying!". Lizzie shouted while pushing his chest.

"I, I…I love you! .He said at last. "I love you, sweetheart." A tear slipped down his cheek, smiling. Lizzie stops pushing him.

Before Lizzie can respond Red's face turns into one of panic, "Lizzie!", Red shouts enveloping her against his body.

BANG BANG.

And the world turns black.

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okey2 I know2.. the cliffhanger sucks but that is the beuty of the story isn it? Review are welcome :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Okey, here goes.. sorry for the late update... this is a short one.. mostly Red's POV. chapter 4 coming soon.. soo sit back and enjoy..**  
**Huge thanks to my beta Alysha.. review are welcome :D**

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**Chapter 3**

_I've found a reason for me,  
to change who I used to be,  
a reason to start over new,  
and the reason is you,_

The sound of the wave hitting the rocks is the first sound to register in his mind. He tries to open his eyes but the sunlight streaming down from the binding curtains near him was blinding so he closes his eyes and tries to compose himself. He re-opens them slowly a few seconds later and he finally catches a glimpse of his scenery. He's lying on a soft bed in the middle of a large bedroom decorated exquisitely. The curtains swaying softly as the breeze enters from the open door. He leans up against the headboard and tries to remember how he got here but nothing pops into his mind. The last thing he remembers is a man in a black hood pointing a gun to Lizzie, and he saving her by shielding her with his body. _So, Am I dead? _Red thinks to himself. He shut his eyes and listens for any movements, but nothing. Only silence accompanies him in this large room_. Is this heaven? _He chuckles at the thought , he doesn't belong in heaven. He's a monster, a ruthless criminal that everyone would love to have killed . His Lizzie also thinks him a monster. Until his dying breath they were arguing. Red slides off the bed with a sigh, stepping towards the sliding door and to the balcony.

He remained true to his promise to Sam, he would protect her. Perhaps she was relieved that he had left her life. This time for good. She will live her life free of his problems. Sometimes, he doesn't think he deserves to live this path. The path that created 'Red Reddington' was born and buried 'Raymond' for good. His life changed after that night. The task was simple, catch the criminal in the house and leave. But his superior forget to tell him, correction, they didn't tell him needed to die on that mission as well. The betrayal hit him hard, and that's when '_the concierge of crime'_emerged. He sold government secrets for vengeance. The betrayal of his own organization set the monster in him free, and that's where his path crossed with Lizzie.

Lost in thought, a familiar scent wafts its way to him, calming him. His eyes close of their own accord as someone wraps their arms around his waist. The warmth penetrates his back, soothing him as he leans back into the figure behind him. He's_ dead isn't he? _But it felt so real. The kisses, caresses, each and every sensation was so real that it hurt. He lets the hand wander to his chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart. He bowed his head and let the tears flow.

"Hey, Red don't cry. Please don't cry. I don't know what to do if you cry." He turns towards the person, eyes still closed as he doesn't have the courage to open them. '_I'm dead, I'm dead,' _he repeats over and over in his mind. As her warm hand touches his cheek, he slowly opens his eyes and before him stands the love of his life.

"Lizzie?"

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She watches his chest rise and fall with his steady breathing. The monitor next to him beeps constantly, a pleasant reminder that he is still with her in this world as she has never left his side the past few days. She needs to be here, because he needs her. Just the thought of losing him makes her sick , even though their relationship is still in the wind, she cannot bear to lose him. She needs him, badly. And she cannot forgive herself because she is the reason he is in this hospital. She hovers her hand to his face, soothing him, comforting him with her gesture as he does to her. Inches away, she retreats her hand back to hanging at her side. She felt sorry for him. The guilt haunting her every night as the scene plays in her mind over and over again.

"Lizzie!" He screams as he envelopes her, shielding her from the attacker with his body. The bullet piercing his tailored shirt near his heart. She couldn't see the attacker as she was numbed, stunned. She didn't know what to do as she felt Red's body slump against her.

"Red! Hold on. Don't die. Don't you dare die on me!" The tears streaming heavily as she roamed his body. The blood patches grew more and his breathing shallower. She's in a panic and thank god, Dembe arrives.

Her mind goes back to the Red in front of her. Once again he saved her from death . He is her angel, her shinning knight. He is the one who started this whole debacle when he came knocking into her life a year ago, but he still came to her, to save her. She took his hand and entwined their hands together .Dembe is on look out for the person responsible so he orders two bodyguards from their organization to stand post at the hospital. He always has someone looking out for him. Always there for him when he needed. Dembe is more than a bodyguard, he is family. A brother. Her eyelids (get heavier and within minutes she is dozing in the chair next to him.

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**okey,,,i know it short,damn! haha but im a beginner so dont kill me yet.. **

**review are welcome :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**here you go, sorry for the long update.. im trying to think where this story headed. **  
**Thanks to my beta for helping me, the song is from Secondhand serenade_stranger.**

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Chapter 4

"Lizzie?"

"Yeah?" Red stares at her confused _. In death?_ _With him. Is she dead too?_ _God, please no,_ he shook his head vigorously, he had failed to save her. He slowly lifted his hand to touch her beautiful face, but he hesitated. Lizzie's gaze fell to his hand, and she leaned forward to let her face touch his hand, still hovering with hesitation.

"Lizzie, I'm sorry. I can't protect you. I swear to God, I would do anything to save you from harm, but I've failed. I'm s-"

"I'm not dead yet, Ray. Neither are you". Red's eyes snapped open. _What? I'm not dead yet. So where the hell am I?_ "Come on. Let's go inside, it's cold out here." Lizzie pulled Red up from his knee, but he wouldn't budge. Sensing him still in shock, she went to sit next to him and pulled him down to her lap. His body acted on her command and he let her caress his short, cropped hair. After a few minutes, she let her lips touch the crown of his head and lingered there. The closeness, the touches all felt so real. He closed his eyes again and fell into her touch.

"If I'm not dead, where are we Lizzie?" He asked as he felt tempted to drift into the tender abyss of sleep.

"Let's just say, we're in between. Now come on, I've made you breakfast," She kissed his head again and lifted it off of her lap. He let her lead the way while he tried to register this bitter reality he had woken up to. '_In between? Where could that be?' _and then he froze suddenly. Her hair was tied above her head, wearing blue shorts high above her knee, making him gulp, the white crisp shirt, his shirt! certainly wont helping. '_That shirt really look good on her than on me'_. The swaying of her hips made him shake slightly and as she turned around to see if he was still with her, she smiled and shook her head in amusement.

"Ray. Let's go, I'm hungry." He still stood there. _Well that something that's you don't see everyday._

"Well, Lizzie let me just say this, that shirt looks better on you than me," he said, smirking.

* * *

"Agent Keen," Liz immediately stood up when she felt someone put pressure on her shoulder. _Dembe. _

"Are you okay?" Dembe asked her as she sat down due to nausea from standing up too fast. She nodded, massaging her forehead while trying to calm herself.

"He will be fine. As long as you are here, he will be fine." Dembe said, as he stared at his friend with concern and sympathy. "Here, I bought you some food and clothes to change into." He passed a duffel bag to her.

"Thanks Dembe. I owe you," she said, taking the duffel bag and putting the food on a table near the sofa. " and by the way ou can call me Liz," she continued.

"Sure Liz, I'm heading to the safe house. Need anything?" Dembe turned his heels to leave.

"No. This is fine, thank you again." Dembe nodded and left the room, leaving her with Red again.

She scooted over towards Red's side and reached for his hand to entwine it with hers once more. She lifted his knuckles and kissed them affectionately. '_I need you'_ she murmered, and she felt the tears rising as she uttered those words. Liz moved closer, putting her head near his forearm, breathing in his scent. She still cannot believe herself for saying that to the one whom waltzing into her life and made a critical damage to it but that's the truth. The truth that she always come to ignore by her rational fucked up mind.

His pale face was twisted, the bags below his eyes becoming deeper. No one can see him in this state. _Vulnereable._ She came closer so she could feel his breath on her face. Liz traced the shape of his face with her finger, the line of his nose, his cheek, his mouth._ 'I need you Red_.' She whispered into his ear so he could feel her right here, right next to him.

* * *

'_I need you Red.' _He suddenly heard those words in his mind. The voice came from a woman but he couldn't tell who.

"Red, come on down here," he heard Lizzie shout from below the staircase with a very happy voice. _Since when has she been this playful_? He huffed and stepped down the stairs to find her.

As he strode down, the first thing that he encountered was a beautiful white grand piano placed gracefully on the patio. The view of the instrument was as spectacular as the setting . The view of the ocean could be seen through the large window across from the piano.

When Red was ten, his mother was always eager to take him to piano class. He was a quick learner of course, and enjoyed his leisure time playing the instrument for her . That was a long time ago. His beloved mother left him soon after his father died in a car crash. That was the last day he ever played. The devastation of the loss that he felt crushed him. He truly loved his mother. The thought of his mother's warm embrace made his heart sore. He felt like he was a little boy again, wrapped by his favourite blanket.

His finger lightly brushing the keys of the piano in front of him. All of these years, and yet he still remembered how to to play. The melancholy nature of the sound always took his breath away.

"Do you play?" Her voice broke him from his lost thoughts. Red nodded and carefully sat on the chair. He sat very still, retaining himself from playing.

"Where are we Lizzie? What do you mean by '_in between'_. Care to enlighten me please?" Red didn't look up at her. Not that he wasn't pleased by her presence but-

"We're in your unconscious mind. You are still in the hospital, three days to be precise". _Unconscious? So I'm not dead yet. Hah! That's a lovely truth._

"That explains everything" He huffed in amusement.

"Explains what ?"

"You_ are not _the Lizzie I know" he lifted his face and give a small smile towards her.

"Yeah, but I'm Lizzie, the Lizzie that you always dream of. Play me something Ray." She tilted her head and laughed.

Slowly Red hovered his hand above the key, still having second thoughts about his some reason he wanted to stand up, but as soon as he felt her head drop on his shoulder he felt relaxed. Then, gracefully playing the notes, he hummed the song, remembering the lyrics. He closed his eyes and let the words come from his mouth expressing to her how he felt.

"_Turn around,_  
_turn around and fix your eyes in my direction,_  
_so there is a connection,_  
_I can't speak, I can't make a sound to somehow capture,_  
_your attention, I'm staring at perfection,_  
_take a look at me so you can see,_  
_How beautiful you are_

_You call me a stranger,_  
_you say I'm a danger,_  
_but all those thoughts are leaving you tonight,_  
_I'm broke and abandoned,_  
_you are an angel,_  
_making all my dreams come true tonight._

_I'm confident, but I can't pretend I wasn't terrified to meet you,_  
_I knew you could see right through me,_  
_I saw my life flash right before my very eyes_  
_and I knew just what we'd turn into,_  
_I was hoping that you could see,_  
_Take a look at me so you can see ,_  
_how beautiful you are.."_

And that was when the dam of emotions broke again and he cried. He closed the lid of the piano and let his hand dangle to his side. Hefelt sobered with from this feeling that he left inside all these years. The pain breaking him from the inside. He never let his emotion run him, but this time, in front of Lizzie, he let his emotional mask down. Letting it all away, then the relaxation hit him again as she wrapped her arms around him . Embracing him as if she was his blanket. She caressed his back in a slow circle and hushed him, encouraging him to cry harder. He slipped his hand around her waist tohold her in place. Grabbing her as if she would disappear into thin of air, holding her as if his life depended on it.

"Sleep Ray, I'm here." That was the last thing he heard before his mind shut down completely.

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**Review are welcome! **


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